The Kardashians Made $65 Million Last Year
In another sure sign that the world is ending, it has been reported that the Kardashian clan made $65 million last year.
This should probably be enough to question your life choices, but here is the full scoop from an “inside source”:
Since their arrival on E! in 2007, thanks to such no-boundaries behavior, the tightknit family has ably defied the laws of 15-minute reality TV fame while building a wildly profitable empire. As the cameras keep rolling on the eight-member clan’s topsy-turvy domestic life, the Kardashians have cashed in, making more money last year than what Angelina Jolie, Sandra Bullock and Tom Cruise are estimated to have earned combined: a staggering $65 million (a source close to the family confirms the figure). As manager, Kris Jenner personally takes 10 percent.
Basically what this tells me is that in order to make $65 million, you simply have to have no morals, no self respect and generally just suck at life. Sucking at life is really profitable these days.
So I should announce that from this point forward, all of my posts will be written in front of a web cam, in the nude, with some random people fucking behind me. I think this should net me around $67. Not million, just dollars. That’s a start.
As that happens, I will also be writing posts drunk, drink bleach and set myself on fire upon request. I’ll also be launching my own line of K9 cod pieces for the discerning dog in your life. Kitty pasties will follow shortly.
As your personal whore, you can Twitter any other random requests and I’ll do them. I no longer care. I’ll do anything. Need someone punched while you tape it? I’m at your service. Need to break up with a boyfriend, girlfriend, life partner? Just Twitter me their number and consider it done. I’ll invoice you appropriately.
Thank you Kardashian clan. You’ve given me a new purpose in life. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to help some recovering alcoholics fall off the wagon. Big money in that.
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